Many repeat brides and grooms already have children from their previous relationship, and occasionally first-time newlyweds have them, too. As excited as the parent(s) may be about the future ahead, it’s important to remember that the wedding itself is a monumental occasion for the soon-to-be step-kids too. Including them in the ceremony is a symbol that each partner accepts the other’s children, and understands that they are all uniting to create a new family.

The "bonus family" is acknowledged as a whole and each family member is seen as an important component to a successful future.

There are a number of different ways to involve the children, depending on their age. If they are less than 8 or 9 years old, an easy and adorable go-to role is flower girl or ring bearer. Or if they are in the 8-to-15 range, they can be junior bridesmaids or junior groomsmen. As for “older” children, they could potentially walk their mother down the aisle or participate as a member of the bridal party.

If you’re looking for a less traditional role or gesture, have them sing a song, offering each child a gift or a flower from the bride’s bouquet during the ceremony, allowing older children to light a symbolic candle, having them sit in the front row and acknowledge them during the ceremony, or, at the end of the ceremony, have the officiant announce the new couple and their children: “May I introduce Mr. and Mrs. Smith and their children John and Jane.”

In addition to the ceremony, there are plenty of other ways to involve and honor the children throughout the wedding. They can be ushers, hand out programs and certainly stand in the receiving line to greet guests with their parent and the new spouse. In addition, younger ones might enjoy passing out favors, while ones who are mature enough could oversee the guestbook. During the reception, have an adult child give one of the official toasts, perhaps in place of the groom or father-of-the-bride toast. Have a special dance during which the children start out dancing with their biological parent, but then switch to their new “bonus” parent in the middle of the song. Or a lovely gesture in which the couple starts their first dance as husband and wife and then asks the children to join them.

However, as heartwarming as all these moments sound, it is essential to note that while everyone is excited about moving forward and creating a new family, the importance of the former family must not be diminished. The children are now part of two families, neither one of which is more important or real than the other.

Instead, try to focus on that fact that, despite any problems that may have occurred, the past is what created these wonderful children – and, as it happens, the person who is your new spouse.

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